SNEAK PEEK 2 WEEKEND WRITING WARRIORS
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WEEKEND WRITING WARRIORS August 31, 2014 Submit your 8 Sentences every weekend, click the link to learn more. Join the blog hop and offer your support and encouragement to your fellow writers, or find new authors to expand your reading repertoire. #8Sunday
See my sentences from last week See Sneak Peek #1 Aug 24th—Click here I am adding a bit of an intro here, my character is the 2nd Horseman of the Apocalypse, War. The character’s name is Heiden Grim. He is outside his living quarters in purgatory going through a Shaolin exercise routine, when he gets an unexpected visit and suddenly he is somewhere else. The previous snipped 1 is where the conversation starts, in this snippet, the first speaker is my main character Heiden Grim.
MY 8 SENTENCES
The scene shimmered, disappearing, Theatrics, figures. “Where in hell are we?”
“Not in Hell.”
“Well, it is hardly Heaven ,either.”
“Think of it as the edge of creation.”
“That was informative, but I am not impressed.” Smoky gray ethers swirled around him like ghost fingers petting solid matter. “Michael, I am already weary of this conversation.”
I used some creative punctuation to make my 8 sentences fit the criteria for this blog hop. Keep in mind this is a rough draft subject to future edits and revisions. I hope you enjoyed this weeks eight sentence, continuing from last week’s sneak peek.
YOU CAN READ MORE ABOUT THE SERIES AND FIRST BOOK HERE
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Funny conversation. I wonder if where are we really matter or if it’s more how the hell do we get out of there.
I enjoyed your dialogue, and the description of “edge of creation” was a cool touch. I’m not for sure, but Hell and Heaven may need to be capitalized. There’s so many grammar rules that are hard to keep track of LOL.
Keep smiling,
Yawatta
Thank you. Good point. I will make a note to check that in the edit when I go back, to see which would be proper. I think you are probably right, in that, where I use them as a noun-as in a place-they should be capitalized. I will fix that.
It perfectly balances on that fine line between poetic brilliance and sharp, grounded dialogue and plot. The imagery is like being inside a Turner painting. I can’t wait to read more!
I don’t know what to say, but thank you. I am glad you liked it.
I like the dialog. Sounds natural and flows smoothly.
Thank you.
I like it, Juneta. The imagery is wonderful–and you’ve squeezed in some character building, too. Nicely done!
That makes me happy to hear that. Thank you so much.
Ooh, cool! I loved the idea of the edge of creation…an excellent excerpt that makes me want to keep reading, great 8.
That is so encouraging, thank you.
“Where in hell are we?” – I had a feeling this was a literal rather than figurative question. Love the interaction here.
LOL, yes it is, but in my world purgatory actually exist between heaven and hell just above earth, of course, it is another dimension. It is a place of penance and redemption. A sort of shades of gray type of place. Michael is not totally kidding, when he says the edge of creation though, lol.
“Not in hell.” Indeed. Love the banter. Your characters really shine through here.
Thank you. It is good to know even with that little bit they make impression. I appreciate the comment.
I love the smoky ghost like images! Looking forward to the next snippet!!
Thank you. Appreciate the visit.
Very mysterious. Intriguing that he could grow weary in a setting like that. Good 8.
Thank you. He has an angst related to his purpose, before he was one of the four horsemen. .
Love the snarky banter. 🙂 Love this line, too: “Smoky gray ethers swirled around him like ghost fingers petting solid matter.” Great visual. 🙂
Thank you so much. I imagined smoke swirling around me in a thick mass, and wonder what it would look like and that is when I came up with the ghost petting, lol.
Love the sarcasm. It’s always fun to watch characters who don’t much like each other work together.
I saw your comment about no contractions for the non-humans. There’s not even one who wants to sound a bit more modern?
Actually yes, in a way, I have an almost angel that was once human, a Magus/wizard that is human, but is very longed lived. I am still working my way through the first draft. I have an order of angels that have lived on earth among humans, and half angel, half human-Nephilim, all who sound more modern. Thanks for commenting, lol,and the praise. It is fun to write those characters too.
Grim must be one world-weary (or wary) guy, to be unimpressed with the scenery. Says a lot about him. 🙂
Heiden Grim is the 2nd Horseman of the Apocalypse, once a Cherubim in heaven. sentinel to Gates of Eden and Guardian to God’s Throne, so no he is not really impressed, but Michael did surprise him.
Well . . . that explains a few things, yes. 😀
LOL, you are right though, he is wary and spiritual-weary, more so than world-weary. I am tickled you like him. Thanks for visiting.
Interesting concepts presented here. I look forward to learning more!
Love how simple and powerful the “Not in Hell.” line is.
Thank you, so glad you enjoy it.
So creative! And does he end up talking to the Archangel Michael? How cool is that! Love the premise of this story.
Yes he does. Michael is bit ambiguous, but definitely a recurring character. Glad you like it. Thanks for commenting.
Nice flow. Simple, but you communicate a lot with the briefest words.
Thank you for saying so and stopping to visit.
I love this line. Smoky gray ethers swirled around him like ghost fingers petting solid matter. Michael the archangel I presume?
No actually my main character Heiden Grim. The conversation started in last weeks snippet. I see that is something else I should have included in my intro here, lol. He is talking first. I am glad you liked that line, thank you.
Interesting description of Purgatory. I like the smokey fingers,
Actually the description is of another realm that Michael called the edge of creation, but I can see i need to make that more cleared, lol. This is a rough draft I am still working on, so will make a note on revision and edit to tweak that. Thank you for commenting.
I didn’t see previous snippets, so I’m not quite sure of the backstory here. . . It sounds really interesting though 🙂 I think playing with the whole heaven, hell, and purgatory has a lot of possibilities. After reading a theoretical physics book I looked at heaven as being in another dimension perhaps. Which would make sense why ghosts can seemingly walk through walls if they are more than 3 dimensional. I like your protagonist ^^ She/he has a lot of spunk and appears to take action instead of life happening to her.
It is the link just above this week’s eight. I probably should have added a bit intro there. I will go back up and add some, since you mentioned it. Just did not think about that. My character is male, Heiden Grim, one of the 2nd Horsemen of the Apocalypse, War. I think of heaven that way too, as being dimensional and also present as well as in levels. Thanks for commenting. I’ll fix that now.
Very interesting dialogue. The edged of creation? Has me intrigued as to what that means.
My character intended as a sort of Never, Neverland reply, but since I have been ask more than once I will give it more thought. Thank you for visiting with me.
Nice concise dialogue that leaves me intrigued and ready for more. “Edge of creation” captured my attention too. Great 8!
Some great descriptions punched with intriguing dialogue. Good eight.
Thank you.
The third sentence could use a little punching up. Either use a contraction or something stronger: “Well, it’s hardly heaven, either.” Otherwise fine.
I’m making a point to not allow the horsemen and paranormal beings speak in contractions, only human elements, however, I like your last suggestion. Thank you.
I’m not weary of the conversation at all! I think it’s great. I’m enjoying their interaction and am intrigued by the setting. Nice work.
Thank you for saying what you like. It helps to know what to focus on that intrigues, when I get to the editing and revision. I appreciate the comment.
Oooh, I so wanna know more about “the edge of creation” !!! Eagerly waiting for next week’s snippet 🙂
Thank you Elena, You always make me smile.
I love the ‘edge of creation’ description! So powerful and intriguing. Great job! 🙂
Thank you. I enjoyed this scene between the horseman and the angel.
Hmm, they are pretty pissy with each other. You have my curiosity peaked. Looking forward to more.
They are, but both rather enjoy it, lol. Thanks for stopping by and commenting.
I’m weary of the conversation, too. I think Michael needs to make his point. Nice excerpt!
Thanks. Michael is amused by his impatiences and likes tweaking him. He finds his reactions reassuring somewhat.
Some really evocative writing here, Juneta! I can’t wait to read more. 🙂
Thank you. I appreciate the encouragement. It is rough draft only. I can see how much work it still needs, but this was one of my favorite scenes. I kept looking at the scene, after I decided to do WWW, and I kept thinking what are you doing putting that out there? I am still in the middle of writing the first time through, so I keep making myself nervous doing this.