A Conversation With God
*Big Stock Photo by Belphnaque
Originally Written 2003
REPOSTED SEPTEMBER 25. 2013
It is funny. This prayer is just as applicable today as it was the day I wrote it. Life is not linear, but an ever-revolving, growing, expanding-circle of change, good and bad, until the end.
I don’t know how I became so lost in this old world. I am always in your hands, and no one on earth or below can snatch me from your care. I know this. I am not lost to you. I am lost to myself, and yet not. I am an oxymoron on so many levels. Your grace shadows my life. I thank you for that. I make so many mistakes.
I gave my life to you when I was seven. Things were so much simpler then, and a lot less confusing. You were my constant companion. I miss that. I know you stand now so many times at the door waiting for me to open it, even though you have a key. Im always surprised that you wait.
You never shove or forcefully push the door open. You just wait. You are such an awesome creative God. You make your presence known in such unique ways. Just tonight I received a friend request on myspace from a group called Three Cord Wonder. I listen to their song Made Perfect, and it reminded me. You hear me. Bless them, and pave their way. It was awesome to hear the fruits of your spirit presented in such a way.
I stride though this life like I know where I am going, and then I stumble in the muck. I wallow around in it for a while, but when I start to sink into the mire and smother, you reach out and snatch me back. I get so caught up in life, so involved in my own drama. Was that you tapping on my shoulder? When I turned to look I became distracted by the noise around me. Im sorry I made you cry.
I struggle to understand, and I question. I gain in knowledge, and fall in consequence. I am imperfect, and when you try to reshape me I get excited about the project, and try to put my hands in the clay. I am made in your image, and long to create. I sometimes forget who is spinning the wheel. I am so glad you have such patience with me.
I am flawed and knowingly sin. I dont feel I have a right to ask for forgiveness when I know Ill do it again. And yet I am so deeply sorry that I will disappoint you. I live in hope that you might forgive me anyway. I guess this just could be my stubborn will trying to shape the clay again. I am not sure how to fix it.
I know I dont make a very good servant. Its hard for me to be humble. I lack patience, and the turning the other cheek thing really gets difficult. I dont attend church anymore, and my time spent in prayer has dwindled. Ive never read the bible from front to back, although I have studied. I seek Christian fellowship in other ways that might be considered more secular. Im not sure why Im telling you this since I know you already know. I curse a lot more too. I read the De Vinci Code and liked it. I didnt feel my faith or beliefs were insulted. I wondered what you thought and felt as God. I was actually impressed, and entertained. I believe you have a sense of humor, and probably have an appreciation for good story too. Being God I guess you know the heart and motivation behind it, so maybe that makes all the difference. I have a friend who has often said she hoped God graded on a curve. I actually understand that. I have several non Christian friends, and some who believe in no God at all. I really dont witness much, at least not in the traditional way. I dont even pray in the proper manner. I guess I said all that because I do know the proper ways. I have practice them in the past. I attended church regularly for years. Maybe I said all that because I know I am going to post this on a blog, and I dont want to be deceptive about who I am. The one thing I do know is that I Believe! Through all my changes, I believe, and I thank you Jesus for giving your life, so I might have life.
Im glad I said this prayer today. It was comforting knowing you are still there. I miss your companionship, but I know that is my fault. The wages of sin are death, but Jesus came to save the sinners. No one is without sin, especially me. I can still quote the scripture, even if I cant name book and verse. I try to practice forgiveness so that as I seek it I might recognize it, and live up to the potential you created me for. I want to honor you with the way I live. I hope to reflect the fruits of the spirit in daily life. And I pray your light shines through me and in me, despite me, as I trip over my own two feet. In Jesus Name, Amen!
( YouTube Video Made Perfect, by Three Cord Wonder)